80% Por Vous, 20% Por Moi

HELLO CLARE HATCH. Please return to earth, space creature, this blog entry is entirely and completely dedicated to you. (And I think blogs are lame so even a minimal expression of gratitude would be welcome babushka)


I love you so so so much. And you WORRY me so so so much. I want to help you, and not in that conventional "there is a way to be normal" extending of the hand of healing way. Also, I want to help ME.
Nobody heals quickly, some people don't heal ever. There are ways to heal spiritually and mentally without completing the full circuit. I am a prime example bella, so trust me here. However, the only thing I will ask of you is that you are happy. To me, that is the heart and soul of EVERY SINGLE THING I DO. I am happy-and not in the tortured sense. Yes, I am bulimic, and have fraying relationships, and worry, do not have a charmed life (Pshh, like anyone does, right?). And you are facing times even more bestowed with torment then I could even begin to imagine. (I sort of can, actually, and not that your blog entries are any dead giveaway to what's going on in your brain, but if you're writing "welcome ana" I'm sure you are backed into the farthest metaphorical corner of desperation.)

Like you, I would desperately like to be skinny again, more so than I've ever been. I would also like to simultaneously retain control of my happiness, health, and mind. Skinny but frantically stupid will never appeal to me. And my request is, not only that you be my ana buddy, but that you let me be yours. We are complete opposites in the personality department, Clare Hatch; you have the self control, i'm incredibly lacking, you're empathy where i am strangely resilient, upper, downer, yin, yang, peanut butter and jelly (have fun picking which one of those is better). If we are in this together, do you think we can hold each other up? You're my sister and I am dying to protect you from those things that hurt, especially when you administer them yourself.

THESE ARE THE RULES

1) We will STAY HAPPY. There will be no "I am still so fat, ahhhh". If we continue to restrict, fast, and remain in control, we WILL NOT BE FAT. Use your brain- if you're underweight, you ARE SKINNY. Realization is key here, because at a certain point, it will never feel like enough. We are currently not fat. But you can never be too skinny or too rich: and that is what we're going for here.

2) I don't want to compete with you. I don't want to be one upped, and I'm sure you don't want to be either. We will be in this together for support and strength. 2 in 1, love.

3)We will keep the ED as far back in our minds as possible. It's kind of lame to have a life that circles around something so typical. We will have adventures; we will explore the world; WE WILL DEAL WITH IT. It's part of existing and reaping the benefits of being skinny. (FYI: we will not be eating during any of said adventuring)

4)We will decide on our own eating habits. We can fast together, because that takes a holy shitload of willpower, but different things work for different people, and sticking to a diet that doesn't work for you is ridiculous.

5)I'm making weight goals that don't shrink. There will be no, "just 5 more lbs"! Absolutement non! Your goal is 100, yeah? So is mine. However, I am one inch taller therefore I'm going to make a rule (And we can discuss this because i'm totally not comfortable with deciding your weight for you, but I want to be lenient) that you will stay between 90-105 lbs for better or for worse, and that I'll be between 95-110 for better or for worse. And if we get there, I don't want any shit about it.

6) No lies. Ever. End of story. NEVER.

7)No laxatives. Can we please agree that they're stupid? I still don't even understand why anybody even does them

8) No cutting. Please? I'll keep you happy, best I can, so just don't do it. I'll have to compare you to Brittany Diaz at least 10% of the time if you do.

9) Accept the love that is revolving around you. Don't be angry. Your parents love you, Hilary loves you, blahhhhhhh. I LOVE YOU. So deal with it. When people try to help you, let them, because it will make THEM happy. You don't have to take their advice, or do anything they say, but just LET them. It will make you hurt less when they hurt less; unfortunately in this department, you are a Pisces.

10) Recovery could happen. We have to let it in at any chance, whenever it chooses to greet us. Most important is that we remember the existence of life without and ED. That so many people don't have this issue! Living a life that is sweet and pure and unlimitlessly happy is possible no matter how low we have come.


I love you Princess Bam Whammity, and don't you EVER forget it.

XOXO, Princess Naked as a Jaybird